How PMS Can Help and Hinder You

I used to think that PMS (premenstrual syndrome) was a myth. In my teens and 20s, I rarely experienced PMS symptoms, and I thought that PMS was a construct that sexist, male politicians made up to justify the limitations that they tried to place on women in positions of power. Now, in my early 30s, I experience PMS more strongly and have come to understand that it is both real and impactful.

Not that those sexist men were right! Women, and people who menstruate, are still perfectly capable of making decisions, working effectively, maintaining relationships and regulating emotions while PMSing. Our bodies should never be used to justify limiting us. And yet, many people are impacted by PMS. It can be helpful to know when PMS tends to occur and how it affects you, so you can better meet your needs and manage your emotions.

I began noticing PMS symptoms after my cycle returned following years of having an IUD. Once a month, I go through several days where I feel an increased amount of anxiety, sadness and/or anger. I feel emotional about the same issues that I feel upset about outside of PMS (for me, this is typically relational issues, larger life questions, and my inner critic being a total bitch), but while PMSing, my feelings are heightened and accompanied with a sense of hopelessness that makes everything feel more catastrophic. Can you relate? 

This can lead to me sobbing on my partner’s shoulder, getting caught in rumination or obsessive thoughts, or being more irritable and impatient than I otherwise would be. These shifts are influenced by hormonal changes — the rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone after ovulation during the luteal phase — which can affect mood. In this way, PMS can feel hindering; it can be emotionally painful and contribute to dysregulation. 

However, when I pause and recognize that my emotional dysregulation is related to PMS, I’m able to contextualize it — to remind myself that it will pass — and to respond with care toward my emotions and my needs.  This is where PMS can actually be informative; it can highlight areas that may need tending to. Sadness can point to grief that is yet to be resolved. It may be an invitation to listen to music that helps you release emotion, or to cry on your partner’s shoulder. Anxiety can signal a need for reassurance or self-soothing. It might be a cue to reach out to a trusted friend or partner, or to engage in a self-compassion practice. Anger can illuminate an injustice and offer a moment to assertively express a need or set a boundary. Therapy can also provide meaningful support as you learn to better understand and respond to your emotional experiences.

In the midst of busy lives, we often avoid, dismiss, or distract ourselves from our emotions and needs. PMS can serve as a gentle invitation to turn inward and offer yourself care. It can be helpful to track your menstral cycle to have more awareness of when to expect this to occur. Apps like Flo, Clue, and Stardust provide easy ways to track your cycle. The book Period Power: Harness Your Hormones and Get Your Cycle Working for You by Maisie Hill also provides lots of helpful information about mental cycles and how to support yourself through each phase. It’s also important to note that for some people, symptoms may be more severe and persistent — which could indicate premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), a condition that often benefits from additional medical and therapeutic support. Approaching our menstrual cycles with curiosity and care can lead to gaining the insight and support that we need.